My take: The letter

I totally used to judge other parents and their parenting.  I’ll admit it.  As you might guess, this was long before I had a child of my own, or any experience to speak of, unless you count babysitting (which, less face it… not the same thing).  On flights between Kansas City and Austin (which I used to fly regularly), I’d cringe when that family or parent with an infant or toddler would sit near me.  If the kid cried, my eyes would roll so far back I’d basically see my brain, while thoughts like, “Shut that darn kid up” would roll through my mind.  On grocery store trips, I’d observe the defiant toddler, throwing a fit in the middle of the isle, and out would come the judgments.  “When I have kids, they will NEVER behave that way.”  My part time job as a babysitter had practically made me an expert, after all.  Then one day, God served me up a big ‘ol slice of humble pie named Juliet.  She was quite possibly the most beautiful troublemaker I’d ever laid eyes on.  I had to learn some lessons the hard way, and repent of my judgmental and negative feelings toward my fellow moms.  I had been selfish, and since having children, my attitude had completely changed.      

So when I saw this article a few days back, my emotions progressed from angry to sad.  If you haven’t seen it, let me sum it up.  Parents take toddler to a ski resort, because toddler’s father is attending a conference.  Child, suffering from teething, cries all night and disturbs guests in the next room.  Guests, rather than being mature adults about the whole thing and understanding the crying was much harder on the mom than them, left a note under the parents’ door, saying their vacation had been ruined by the afore-mentioned screaming toddler. 

As I read the note left under that poor family’s door, only one word came to mind to describe the couple who left it… selfish.  Yup, I said it.  They are selfish.  You know how I know that?  Because that’s why I used to roll my eyes at crying toddlers; I was selfish.  That’s why I used to look down my perfect, little, childless nose at the parents of tantrum throwing toddlers; I was selfish.  I didn’t like my world to be in upheaval.  My peace, my quiet, MY world was disturbed by these little ones, and like the couple in the room next door, I selfishly wished they’d just go away sometimes. 

Selfishness leads us to use ugly words and behave in ugly ways, doesn't it?  I know it does in my life.  I used to think I was an unselfish person.  I foolishly thought I had mastered this vice and was the very model of a giving, loving person.  When God gave me my first child, my eyes were opened to see just how lacking I was.  I love my first born, with a fierce and fervent love, but she showed me just how much I lived to serve me.  When I live to serve me, I don’t stop to think of others.  I’m sure that’s what happened here.  The note said as much.  The couple had been saving and looking forward to their trip for a long time, but their retreat didn't happen as planned.  Another family dared to take a vacation at the very same time.  Their sweet child dared to be cutting teeth and crying all night.  The nerve.  Instead of taking a moment to try to empathize with this family, or handle the situation in a way that would have been more appropriate, they decided to tear down.  They wanted to make a point.  After all, they’d been wronged, and the other family deserved it, right? 

The couple complained in their letter about the lack of common courtesy, but it seems to me that they were the discourteous ones.  Courtesy goes both ways, and perhaps the young couple could have done more to quiet their child, but the older couple could have done more to resolve the situation as well.  I know if I had been the one to receive such a scathing review of my parenting, I would have cried over it and been wary of taking my children on any future trips.  Words mean something.  Words have power.  And words wielded in a temporary flash of anger or selfishness can yield a harvest of hurt in someone’s heart. 

We are all inconvenienced from time to time.  We all face situations where our reality does not live up to our expectations.  I call this “life”, and let’s face it, it’s not always fair.  More importantly, we all have to make choices about how to react when curve balls come our way.  Selfishness steals our joy and keeps us from seeing the hurt that’s right in front of us.  It keeps us from showing grace.  And as we all know, a little grace goes a long way.