Final thoughts

I'm a list gal.  Any amen's out there?  For the last week, lists have been cluttering my desk.  I've got a to-do list, a packing list for hubs, myself and Liesel, a carry-on list, and a shopping list.  Bit by bit, I've been chipping away at my to-do list, my biggest priority.

I'm a list girl

I finished the original today and promptly begin re-writing a new one.  Now I have another at least six or seven items to complete before the end of the day Monday.  Oy.  

Yes, that second item is pack; no I haven't packed yet.  :) 

As I said, today I marked off the last item on my original to-do list; finishing my roman shade in the kitchen.  I know that might sound silly in light of the fact that I'm leaving for China in about 36 hours to pick up my daughter, but it's been hanging, unfinished, in the kitchen window for at least six months and I REALLY wanted to finish it before we left.  Check!

I've been emotional.  Shock.  I've been happy, sad, angry, tearful, nostalgic...basically a giant mess for the last week.  Poor hubs.  Monday I got the cost list.  I wired the money to China the same day.  Later that day, I had a total emotional meltdown.  Yes, there was bawling.  Yes, I kicked hubs out of the bedroom so that I could sob and weep.  I also physically melted down Monday.  I napped Monday and Tuesday for about 1.5 hours.  I just couldn't keep going after I put Juliet down, despite my enormous to-do list.  Before that, I hadn't napped in about a month simply because I've had so much to do.

Does anyone else feel a compulsive need to clean house before leaving on vacation??  Hello, my name is Charity, and I have an OC need to clean before vacay.   Today, I finished with the kitchen.  I even polished my wood floors yesterday; a big accomplishment considering it's only the second time in a year I've done that!  Can we say, "nesting".  I've decided that pregnant or adopting, women nest.  I've been nesting for the last two months it seems.  I sure hope I'm ready.

Deep breath.

I wish it were Tuesday, but I'm also so nervous about leaving.  I don't want to leave Juliet.  I will miss her so much.  I know I'm leaving her in the best hands possible, but it's still hard leaving your baby behind for so long.  I also have so many secret fears about Liesel.  I carry these with me every day.  I had some of the same fears before Juliet was born too, but somehow, Liesel seems like more of an unknown.  Will she love us?  My biggest fear is simply that she won't.  I stuff that thought to the back of my mind and press on, after all, we leave Tuesday.  I can't dwell on that.


I've also had my struggles with God in the past two weeks.  Isn't it funny how no matter what God brings to fruition in our lives, we constantly find reasons to doubt Him?  Fortunately, God is still talking to me, even if I've been giving Him the silent treatment lately.  I swear Pastor Fritsche's message this morning was just for me.  I needed to be reminded that God has always been faithful to His people, including me.  As pastor was preaching, I reflected on this road of adoption.  God has made every piece just fall right into place.  There have been, and continue to be circumstances in this process that I don't understand.  But I know He's good, and ultimately, anything He does is for my good.  I trust that; I trust Him.  I repented this morning of my doubt.


I feel so blessed.  After all, I'm about to become a mommy again.  That in itself is a tremendous blessing.  So many people have asked how they can help, and so many people are praying for us.  I love the community we've found here; we've been so blessed by them.


I'm going to attempt to update my blog from China.  I don't know how much or how often I'll be able to post, but I'll at least attempt a few pics once or twice a week.  If that fails, there's always email.  Thank you so much to those who've supported, encouraged or prayed for us.  We are so blessed.  Next time, from China!



















With love.