Does your Heavenly Father Not Care for You?

There are a few things in life that make you realize just how helpless you really are.  Being a mom is definitely one of them! When I first found out I was pregnant with Juliet, I was so afraid that I was going to miscarry.  It seems so silly, but I knew so many people who had miscarried, and I knew it was a possibility.  For the first ten weeks of my pregnancy, I prayed so hard for Juliet's safety and well-being.  I was so afraid that I even completely stopped consuming caffeine!  That was tough, let me tell you; especially since I was getting up at 5:30 am for work.  I had prayed so hard for Juliet and wanted her so much, that I couldn't bare the though of loosing her.  I finally relaxed around 10-11 weeks when I heard her heartbeat and had an early sonogram to get an accurate due date.

When I think back on that, I can't believe I got so worked up.  Hadn't I learned anything in my interactions with God?  He is always sovereign and always faithful.  Even if He had allowed me to miscarry, it would have been okay.  I'm not saying it would have been easy, but I know it would have been okay, because God is only good, all the time.  What's the old line from that song, "When you can't see His (God's) hand, trust His heart."  The same thing happened when Juliet was born.  It is so nerve-racking to be a first time mom.  Every cry, every strange sound, bump, rash, or red spot was a concern.  I was so busy researching and scouring the internet for solutions to everything from crying to naps, that I forgot sometimes to petition Juliet's maker for advice.

This week, I've added another notch to my "mom belt."  My baby got sick.  On Monday morning, she spiked a small fever.  I gave her some Tylenol and didn't think too much of it.  By the next morning, her fever was up to 102, so I decided to take her to the doctor.  After three hours in the office, a blood test, a urine catheter, and chest x-rays, they told me they thought she had pneumonia.  I was shocked, and a little scared to tell you the truth.  Juliet's always been very healthy.  At 8 months old, this is her first time being ill.  I've never had pneumonia; in fact, my only experience with it was as a child.  My mother had pneumonia when I was 8 years old, and she was hospitalized for a week to recover.  At the mention of the word, pneumonia, my mind was flooded with visions of hospitalization, tubes, IV's, electronic monitors, etc...worst case scenario.  I'm sure I'm not the only mom to over-react!  They gave her a shot of powerful antibiotics and sent me home with her.  That afternoon, she spiked another fever, this time up to 103.  I felt so bad for her.  She was so hot and so lethargic...so unlike her.  All she wanted to do was sit on my lap, or nurse.  She NEVER wants to sit in my lap; it's far too boring for her.  She generally much prefers to be up and moving, playing with her toys, managing her domain (as my husband and I say).  Then this morning, she woke up fever-free.  After a morning trip to the doctor, they told me the radiologist looked at her x-rays and concluded she did not have pneumonia.  I was so relieved.

Although yesterday was a bit stressful, I handled it a lot better than I would have right after her birth.  Once I got her home and put her to bed, I took a bath and prayed.  I spent about 20 minutes just pouring my heart out to God, thanking Him that he'd given me a mother's wisdom and discernment, and praying for His loving hand of healing to be on her little body.  Then I rested too.  I was not only physically exhausted, but mentally exhausted as well.  So while she was napping, I took a small nap too.  Sometimes moms,  it's important to stop and take care of yourself!  I also asked for other's prayers.  That is truly one of the great things about Facebook, isn't it?  Within minutes, I had my own personal prayer army lifting my baby's needs up before the throne of God.

Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever get it right.  How many times has God proven Himself faithful, and yet I repeatedly fail to trust Him, and seek Him first.  I'm a new mom, and I'm sure that my future hold many more stressful times of waiting and praying.  I think the key in these times will be to remember what I know is true, and act on it.  Knowing this is only half the battle; I still have to act on the knowledge, something that will undoubtedly prove easier said than done.