Love, actually....

I'm a little steamed, and I'm not afraid to say so!  Last night, I had an epiphany.  I was watching The Wedding Planner, a cheesy romantic comedy, and suddenly I found myself getting very upset.  I was watching the scene where Mossimo, the slightly quirky Italian guy, proposes (very sincerely and sweetly) to Mary.  He basically says that he knows he's quirky and doesn't always say the right thing, but he loves her...sincerely and deeply.  He asks her to marry him and promises her that if she says yes, he will spend his life working to make her happy and completely devoted only to her.  Mary, somewhat reluctantly, says yes.  *PAUSE*  At this point, my husband was in the kitchen getting a drink, and I was on the couch.  I suddenly yelled out, "This is the guy she should be marrying, but NOOOOOOoooo....No, she has to end up with the cheating jerk that went on a date with her while he was engaged to someone else!"

Now, ladies, I know this is just a movie.  Generally I'm more than capable of separating fact from fantasy, but perhaps there is more to this than we let on.  Think about it!  How many movies can you think of where the Hero or the Heroine ends up with someone other than their fiance/fiancée, spouse, etc...???  Off the top of my head, I can think of several.  How about the recent movie, Enchanted (which I will admit, I love by the way), or how about Someone Like You with Ashley Judd and Hugh Jackman.  And then there's Eat, Pray, Love with Julia Roberts...I mean, she leaves her husband to "find herself" for crying out loud!!!  Call me crazy, but this isn't what God intended when he created marriage and family.

The older I get, the more this bothers me.  Perhaps it's because it profoundly affected my own life.  I think all of us ladies (whether we admit it or not) have a warped view of what love, romance and marriage should be.  Is it really our faults?  We are constantly bombarded with counterfeit versions of the real thing everywhere we look. From Hollywood to fairy tale books to soap operas, "real love" is painted with a very different brush.  Perhaps that's why when I was about to marry my own husband, I was so confused.  It wasn't what I thought it would be.  He was crazy in love with me, but I didn't feel that way about him (not at first anyway).  Yes, I respected him; I knew he loved the Lord and me, and I thought he'd make a wonderful husband and father, but that crazy, skin-crawling love thing...I didn't feel it.  One word in that description holds the key; did you catch it?  RESPECT.  Ladies, having a husband you respect is key.  I hate to burst JLO's bubble, but I could't have fallen for Matthew McConaughey, because I never could respect a man who would fall for me while engaged to someone else.

Let's consult scripture.  There are so many verses that show us the ideal model for a successful marriage relationship.  Colossians 3:9 says, "Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them."  Likewise, Ephesians 5:25-33 very specifically tells us that a husband is to love his wife, even to the point of giving his life for her.  He's to nourish and cherish her as he would his own body.  Finally, 1 Peter 3:7 says that husbands ought to care for their wives as if they were "weaker vessels", not implying that women are weak, but rather that they are fragile beings...and let's face it ladies, emotionally, I am a fragile being.  Whereas husbands are repeatedly commanded to love and cherish their wives, wives are commanded to respect and submit to their husbands.  We see this command in Colossians 3:18 and Ephesians 5:22-23.  It's important to note that submission does not equal subservience, but rather when a woman submits to her husband, she places herself underneath his leadership and care.  Submission does not mean that a wife doesn't have any say, but rather after giving her say, she trusts her husband to make the best decision for her and her family.  When I look at the scriptural model, I see that my relationship with my husband wasn't abnormal, it was absolutely what God had commanded.  He was crazy about me, and I respected him.  I should say, that I am crazy in love with him now, and our relationship is so far beyond what I dreamed it would be.  God has been so faithful to bless our marriage as it was based on a Christ-centered foundation of love and respect.

Having a daughter of my own has made me even more sensitive to this love fallacy we find in our society today.  I don't want her growing up with a warped sense of what love really is.  The truth is, God created love.  He is the author of romance and marriage, and love done right, is absolutely good and absolutely beautiful.  So maybe it's time to turn off the T.V., put away the cheesy romantic flicks and get back to discovering what love really is.  And it only took me 30 years to figure this out!